Photoshop Friday Presents: A Christmas Story, Plus Bunny-Suit

A Christmas Story, Plus Bunny-Suit

In the spirit of the holidays, my "Photoshop Friday" honors a classic Christmas movie I can never get enough of...even when it plays for a full 24 hours Christmas Eve: A Christmas Story! One of my favorite scenes is the one that introduces the infamous pink bunny-suit that Ralphie gets as a gift, after he had high hopes it was the Red Ryder BB gun that he had been wishing for.  But alas, 'twas not.
Sad face.

But I would LOVE pink jammies like Ralphie has! Although there are still things I want for Christmas, unlike Ralphie, I've developed a clear understanding that it isn't about the new stuff that's out there...like some fresh off-the-truck iShoe that will let me outrun a savage moose on a bloodthirsty quest for my outfit, or a bedazzled can opener that will eventually teach me to speak fluent Portuguese. I can't justify a lot of the material things - do I really need them?

The answer my friends is...maybe.

No, not really.

....But I'm pretty sure a pet monkey is more of an investment, and would definitely pay for itself after the first year.  But let's not get into that bucket.

Anyway, back to the main point. After being away for some time from my family and friends, nothing beats coming home for the holidays (or any time, for that matter). I don't need things. I need them (my family).  Ralphie had his family, and what would his life had been like if he didn't have the Dad with the weird sexy leg-lamp thing (that secretly makes me want fishnet stockings, by the way), or the Mom who wrapped the little brother in so many coat layers that he couldn't put his arms down?! SAD, my friends. That's what it would've been. SAD!

Yep. I'm serious. I don't even make Christmas lists anymore, for about two or three years now. There's just nothing I can really think of off the top of my  head that I would want that someone could find on Craigslist from some creepy guy who wants to meet you in the alley of a run-down Wienerschnitzel.  I don't have the expectations of presents; that's not what Christmas is to me now that I'm a little bit older.  If someone is thoughtful and wants to give me a present from the bottom of their heart, sweet! If not, no worries - I know it sounds cheesy and you can claim I'm full of eggnog, but it's the little things that matter to me in life, like sitting outside with blankets and watching Christmas lights blink, or trying and failing at making good hot chocolate...but drinking it anyway and hope everyone is still alive the next day.   

To put it simply, I'm at a sweet point in my life where presents aren't so important, despite the highly commercialized society that surrounds us.  I've already got what I want for Christmas.  So to me, wearing a pink bunny-suit instead of opening up a Bratz doll is cool from all sides.

Besides...it looks like a Snuggie, so it's probably hella warm.
 I'm totally on board with that.

Happy Holidays! :) 

Photoshop Friday Presents: Not a Victoria's Secret Angel? That's OK. Cute Undies Never Hurt Anyone.

In honor of the 2011 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, I decided that if I couldn't beat 'em...I should join 'em! ;) I used to be so JEALOUS of these perfect women...tall, thin, beautiful, rich, and fierce.  But now that I'm older, I realize they didn't get where they are by accident. They work their tiny little thong-riding asses off to look the way they do, and probably don't scoff down gummy bears like me on any given week.  These girls deserve major props for keeping up with that.  I'm pretty sure all of America can learn a thing or two from them about personal dedication.  You can't just wish to look good and expect it to happen rolling out of bed - you gotta work for it. Sure, I complain every now and then and secretly hate myself at times when I see a girl who looks like she just walked off the runway, saying "Ohhh, I WISH  I looked like them!" yet, I'm not there when they're saying "No" to that yummy-looking Sex-On-The-Beach drink and I'm not there when they spend their Saturday afternoons doing hundreds of crunches, sweating up the Amazon River.  Instead, I'm at home, napping. Or watching Modern Family.
Some people think these women set unrealistic expectations for what a woman is supposed to look like.  I both agree and disagree.  But, it's our own damn fault.  We like to preach "Oh, you're perfect the way you are", yet when we see someone who it can be agreed on is beautiful, suddenly it's a witch hunt and they must have some kind of disorder for being so near-perfect.  Make up your minds, please.
Sure, who wouldn't want to look like a healthy model? Everyone.  Who wants to put in the work-out time and have a strict diet? Nobody.
I rest my case.
If you wanna look like a model, then work out like one. If you're happy where you are, EXCELLENT! :) If you're like me and somewhere in the middle...let's just not mumble profanities under our breath at those who got there sooner.
Remember: There's more then one kind of Angel you can be :) Start being nice to people. Work for what you want. Don't hate others that have what you don't. Good will come your way! Just smile, be fierce, and always remember to strut that stuff, no matter what you look like in those lacy animal-print boy-shorts. ;)

Photoshop Friday Presents: Pirates and Yoga Both Make Me Need a Shower

Photoshop Friday Presents: Pirates and Yoga Both Make Me Need a Shower

So, I've been trying to integrate yoga in my lifestyle (you know, like rich people do on T.V.), in 30-minute workout segments, and try to get this whole "calm down" deal going after long days at school.  But, yesterday was the first time I actually completed an ENTIRE hour of it.  

OH. SWEET. SWASHBUCKLER. 

I think rich people just love to do painful things to their bodies that are supposed to feel good - you know, like cocaine.  In case you didn't know this, I'm a sweater; not like a pink, fuzzy, "ooh this is cashmere!" sweater, but like, a sweat-er, and it is gross (I'm forever jealous of Barbra Walters because she never sweats, ever, but that's just a little factoid about her/me and completely beside the point).  So, after I unraveled myself from what was probably NOT supposed to be a pretzel-thing, I took a shower. 

Once I got out, I decided to work on my "Photoshop Friday" pic of "me" with Johnny Depp, aka Capt. Jack Sparrow, and realized how sexy pirates are.

Then, I needed another shower.

I know this probably goes around a lot, but it does so for a reason: Johnny Depp is one of the hottest actors in the history of ...EVER. I don't know if anyone's ever seen him do interviews, but he's completely different as himself than his is when he's on the screen, and I find that so compelling.  It's the charm, dear!  Shy in real life, but totally crazy as someone else.  He get soooo into character, I love it, and even relate to it a bit.  Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow definitely changed my outlook on pirates.  What is it exactly about pirates that make them so damn sexy? (You know, except for missing teeth. I can handle the dreadlocks and the drunkenness, but poor hygiene? No thank you.) It wasn't always like this, was it?  I mean, one minute I'm debating if Mister Smee from Peter Pan is Santa's long-lost, unloved, and disowned half-brother, and the next I'm wondering if Jack Sparrow's gold  tooth can be made into a ring Kim Kardashian would hate me for. I'd run away with him quicker than the dish ran away with the spoon. Savvy??

All in all, the verdict stands: Pirates are hot ("Bad Boy" complex, perhaps?), and Yoga is hella hard. No wonder rich people are always complaining.

Ciao. Swash-Buckle-Swagger.

[P.S. - I actually do like yoga. Like, fo'realz. If you get a chance, try it! Staying still is one of the hardest things you can teach yourself to do - mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's challenging, fun, and is probably much cheaper than cocaine. Feel good and try yoga! *End of sales pitch*]

First Entry Ever! Meaning of Life, Tackled!

Hello! To anyone out there reading this, welcome to my blog.  This is the first blog entry I've ever....well, published, and I'm very much looking forward to getting started on what's sure to be good fun! Oh! and be prepared for "Photoshop Fridays", when I Photoshop my face onto/next to a celebrity's - what a hoot! :)

First order of business: What is the meaning of life?
...Just kidding. I don't have an answer to that, so let's move on shall we?

Well, actually, I do have a little opinion on what "the meaning" of life is.  I'm not sure if that's what we should be paying attention to.  Instead of focusing on what life "means"and trying to find one central answer, maybe it'd be beneficial to look into what we value in life.  What we value is what life means to us.  We already have the answers: Money, Drugs, and Johnny Depp.

Ah! Just kidding (...again...). Of course, it's family, love, and most often religion and friends, among other things. I know this might be pretty lame for a first blog entry, but it's the truth - and it's the first thing that came to mind.   Value what makes you smile, what makes you truly appreciate what you have (even if it's next to nothing), and you'll find meaning in life.  That doesn't necessarily mean it will give you answers to other life-long, unknown questions like "Why are we here?" or "What is going to happen in my life?", but it's a nice place to start.  Let's not get crazy now. Those other questions can wait until you're 90 and have seen every Mister Rogers' Neighborhood episode ever made (Hey, Mr. Rogers knew what's up! Annnnd how people make fortune cookies. I'm not kidding. It's online: http://pbskids.org/rogers/videos/index.html )

In summary:
1.) First Blog Entry - submit your ideas! I'll pick a few interesting ones, and put in my two cent's worth. Keep submitting, and I'll keep posting.
2.) Don't forget to look out for "Photoshop Fridays"! You'll probably laugh. Laughing's good for you, so have a look-see!
3.) "The Meaning of Life " really comes down to what you value in your life.  There isn't just one answer; it can be multiple-choice, free-response, and even true/false if you're determined it's a test.  (I personally dislike true/false...the indecisiveness kicks in, and suddenly that 50/50 chance isn't so appealing.)
4.) Mister Rogers knows what's up.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Ciao!

-Erica Elephant